When I was a child, and I had reached the age to complaint, I disliked the fact that I wore glasses. I thought they were ugly and they earned me more than one nickname in the class. For some reason there were less kids with glasses then, than nowadays.
I wondered why God, if He loved me so much didn’t make me beautiful. I was furious with Him; I think I spent one full day mad at God. Why do I have to wear this horrible “bottle bottom” ugly glasses?
My mother asked, what´s wrong kid? And I would reply, nothing this is between God and me. But He doesn’t love me as you say. He made me ugly.
That time, been a girl was a problem, I didn’t want to be a girl because I wouldn’t be allowed to do what boys did. In addition, I bleed from my nose if I ran too fast, and I would fall as well because I needed orthopedic shoes.
So I suppose that when we reached the age of complaints, we also are able to feel envy. I did feel envy for the first time. I envied the other kids that were, according to me, more beautiful, and I envied my brothers for been older and for been “free” to do as they pleased.
So one time, I told God: I know you will cure my eye sight, so I can use sun glasses and I could watch the blue of the sea and I could run and don’t fall. Then I spent a full day without glasses, walking slow, stumbling, even in the classroom.
If someone asked I would say I forgot them at home, I was so eager expecting Him to do so, but it didn’t happen. However, the cure came in another form, I stop been mad about my “imperfections”, and I didn’t question ever again: why I had bad eyesight, or why I was not a boy, or why I had to be weak and bleed from my nose. I thought, well maybe this is the way He wants me to be, with acceptance and meekness.
But the best, the real cure then was that I never cared about other kids’ beauty. The envy that was starting to grow in my heart of a child He had cut. He did cure me but from a mortal “decease” that was starting to grow,
Envy.
The glasses are still there, even if the science has advanced so much. Doctors says I have a kind of condition that is better not to operate and I cannot stand contact glasses so I carry them even in the beach or the pool. They are part of me, an extension of my body almost.
Sometimes I wonder if God wants us, the people with myopia to see the world a little blur, so we need Him to tell us how things really look and really are.